She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
