if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
