At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
