He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
