I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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