i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
