Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
