You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
