I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
