I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
