This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
soo... how was my night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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