if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
