Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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