Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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