it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
be right there i have to get my cape
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
