OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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