dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
