On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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