So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
