I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
