Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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