The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
