The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize