he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i dont even know how to be here
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
