this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
