Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
