i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
