I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
