They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize