Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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