my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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