i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
