I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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