oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
