Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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