Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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