I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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