I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
