hotel room ftw
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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