yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
