it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My liver is preforming stress tests.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
