My first STD was from a foam party
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
