I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
