He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
