Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
