The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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