I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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