I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
