Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
