I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
