I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
