Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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