he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
