I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When did angry sex become our thing?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize