The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
