Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize