Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
