It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize