u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
