my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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