'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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