dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
