You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
