i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
