He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
