I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
