It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
