five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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