i think my mom watched the whole time
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
