I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
